Is it wrong that I don't want Noah to grow up? Is it wrong that I just want him reject the world and wish to stay at home in my lap? I'm not ready to let him go. I'm just not. My little boy cried and cried and had to be pried from my arms for the first two weeks of preschool. Now I have to grab HIM for a kiss as he struts into his classroom to conquer the world. Sometimes I'm not quite fast enough. :) But I know that he will always let me hold him when he comes back home and he'll tell me about his day and all the new things he discovered.
He's just so tall now. He's so articulate. He's just so smart and witty. He's growing up. Too fast...
I knew he was ready for a big boy bed. I cried as I put away his crib. I knew he was ready to sit at the table with us. I sniffled as I packed away the booster chair. He's ready to ride in a big boy car seat. Okay, I was alright storing away the big clunky toddler seat in the attic! But then pride and sadness crept back in as he learned to buckle his own seat belt. So independent. I guess I'm just the driver now. :)
I know that my little boy needs me for so many things still. I know that I'm irreplaceable to him. I confided in a friend yesterday that I think I would be more okay with letting my little one grow up and fly away if I knew that the next one was coming and soon. The boxes of baby clothes and those soft soft little blue blankets make my heart ache every time I go up to the attic to put something else away. I'm grateful for all the hours of swaddling in the middle of the night that they brought to Kev and me. I reach out to touch them every time and then climb back down the ladder to reality. My smiley little boy greets me at the bottom and wants to help me with my task. :)
Noah will have the rest of his life to be gone from me everyday for school and work and whatever else life brings his way (I'm hoping for piano lessons!). So I hope he will forgive me for keeping him home today and reading just a few more stories before bed time. I hope he knows... really KNOWS... that he is my world and my everything.
Love,
Noah's Mommy
@>->--
3 comments:
I loved this post Nick. I miss you.
So precious... you are a very inspiring mother, and make me want to be a better one.
I LOVE how very much you love that little boy. When I have a particularly difficult day with Zach (like the one I had today), I am always inspired to try a little harder, be a little more patient, and love him just a little more...all because I have you for such a wonderful example of what a mother should be. I love you, and I thank you for that. :) It's okay to not want to let him go, and it's definitely okay to hope for a little brother/sister for him in the future. You are wonderful!
P.S. I had some of those same thoughts recently as I have watched Zach fast becoming more independent and more toddler than baby. And, as I packed up more of his clothes that don't fit him anymore. It's hard to let them grow up...it's a mother's right to feel that way!
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