Well, I didn't expect it to happen so soon. But I can check my first encounter with insensitive comments off my list! I mean, really.
I'm ten weeks pregnant now, and since there are TWO little ones growing, my pants don't fit me anymore. :) So a few days ago I decided to go to the mall and look for a few solutions. I ended up at JC Penney, and I found some really cute things, too. I was feeling like it was a great morning out... Until I went to the check out and encountered a very pleasant woman... who opened her mouth.
She was obviously folding and scanning maternity clothes, so she smiled big and asked me if I was going to have a baby. I said yes. She asked if this was my first. I replied that it was my first pregnancy, but that I also have a little four year old boy. She gave me a puzzled look. I explained that we had adopted our son when he was a newborn. I said this with a familiar smile on my face because usually this revelation is followed by warm conversation about how wonderful that is and how lucky we were to be part of that experience.
This was not the case that day.
With a half-smile on her face, she proceeded to tell me just how happy she was for me that I can finally have a child of "my own" and how it's just not the same unless you've felt them grow inside of you and unless you've gone through labor and "sacrificed" for them to come. I was so SHOCKED by what I was hearing. I think I went numb.
Seeing that I was not nodding in agreement with her, she went on to further explain her point.
"I mean, you know, it's just different when they're not really yours. They don't look like you and it's just different...."
NOTE: This woman was very visibly pregnant herself, a fact that became very irritating to me as she went on....
I just stood there. I couldn't believe what I was hearing!!! So she added one last morsel to her mountain of @$%#@@%$#.... I mean, wisdom. :)
"You know, I have a step son. And it's just not the same. I mean, he's not my child."
I hadn't acknowledged what she was saying at all, and there was quite a line forming behind me. So at that point she finished the sale in silence. What could I say to that? How could I even respond? Where would I even begin????
WOW.
Thank you for congratulating me on the children growing inside me, all while insulting my precious little boy who came to me a different way. And THANK YOU for dissing my ability and conviction to love a child that did not come from my body. And you are SO AWESOME for loving your step son like he's not your child. I'm sure he feels every ounce of your sincerity.
I didn't want the debate, and I didn't want to hear another word. So I just smiled, took my bag from her and said, "Well, I know that MY SON is very VERY excited to be a big brother soon. Thank you."
I walked away shaking. What bothers me the most is whether or not she would have had the courage to speak her true feelings had my Noah been right by my side that day. I'm sure he would have been the one to tell her that this is the way Heavenly Father wanted our family to be and how lucky he is to have a birthmother who loves him so much.
I wonder if she would have been able to deny the living proof right in front of her that
Adoption is about LOVE.
