Kevin and I celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary in December, which means that we're going to celebrate the big number 10 this year! I've been really reflective for some reason lately, especially when it comes to everything that we've been through together over the last decade of marriage and friendship. It's been such a good journey so far, full of dirt poor undergrad days to full-time jobs... then to graduate school days... then to dirt poor looking for jobs days. Good times, good times...
But I think the biggest journey that we've been through together (that we're still on) has been our struggle to have children. There have been so very many lows, and then almost two years ago we started to experience the joys of this journey (finally!) when Noah came to us. As many of you know, Kevin and I have decided to start the re-approval process for adoption and we're only a few steps away from being finished and ready for the next little (BIG) miracle to come our way. Maybe that's why I've been reflecting on the past so much lately! Probably... So much of the paperwork and interviews really makes me relive the rollercoaster and pain of infertility. I'll admit that during the seven years that we were hoping for a baby, I found myself putting my arm around the woman next to me at adoption training meetings as she quietly cried, because I was feeling okay about things that day. And then at the next meeting I was the one who needed to be hugged! It's all part of the journey.
Going through it the second time is different... Kevin and I are much more relaxed and not so obsessed with it. At the end of the day, if nothing happens for us, we still have the most beautiful little boy in the whole world and he calls me "Mah-Mah." And that makes me whole again. :)
Our cousin Terra sent me this poem awhile ago and it really hits home. I've been thinking about it a lot during the last few months and I wanted to post it. You may have seen it in an email, but sometimes it's comforting to see in writing what you're feeling inside, knowing that it's from someone you've never met before. Kind of reminds us that we're never alone.
Having Babies... By Boat.Deciding to have a baby is like planning a trip to Australia. You've heard it's a wonderful place. You've read many guide-books and feel certain you're ready to go. Everyone you know has traveled there by plane. They say it can be a turbulent flight with occasional rough landings, but you can look forward to being pampered on the trip.
So you go to the airport and ask the ticket agent for a ticket to Australia. All around you, excited people are boarding planes for Australia. It seems there is no seat for you. You'll have to wait for the next flight. Impatient, but anticipating a wonderful trip, you wait -- and wait -- and wait. Flights to Australia continue to come and go. People say silly things like, "Relax. You'll get on a flight soon." Other people actually get on a plane and then cancel their trip, to which you cry, "It's NOT fair!" After a long time the ticket agent tells you, "I'm sorry, we're not going to be able to get you on a plane to Australia. Perhaps you should think about going by boat."
"By Boat?!?" you say. "Going by boat will take a very long time and it costs a great deal of money. I really had my heart set on going by plane." So you go home and think about not going to Australia at all. You wonder if Australia will be as beautiful if you approach it by sea rather than by air. But you have long dreamed of this wonderful place, and finally you decide to travel by boat. It is a long trip, many months over many rough seas. No one pampers you. You wonder if you will ever see Australia. Meanwhile, your friends and family have flown back and forth to Australia two or three more times, marveling about each trip.
Then one glorious day, the boat docks in Australia. It is more exquisite than you ever imagined, and the beauty is magnified by your long days at sea. You have made many wonderful friends during your voyage and you find yourself comparing stories with others who also traveled by sea rather than by air. People continue to fly to Australia as often as they like, but you are able to travel only once, perhaps twice. Some say things like, "Oh, be glad you didn't fly. My flight was horrible. Traveling by sea is so easy." You will always wonder what it would have been like to fly to Australia. Still, you know that God blessed you with a special appreciation of Australia...
And the beauty of Australia is not in the way you get there, but in the place itself.
I'll end with a picture of when I first stepped off the boat into Australia. One of my favorites. I don't really know who took this picture (probably my mom or dad), but I don't think I even noticed! I was busy...
Love,
Nicole
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