Myths...

Hay -ay!!!!!

It's me. I'm back from vacay and trying oh so hard to catch my breath, go through our mail, update our financial records, and avoid house work all together. :) Sorry that I've neglected the blog for a month. And even MORE sorry that the last thing I left you all with was Richard Simmons! Wow....

This week, April 24-30th is National Infertility Awareness Week. (For those of you who weren't in the know!) Obviously this is something that Kevin and I have spent the last decade trying to overcome and is something that is at the very heart of who we are as a married couple, as an eternal family, and as friends that are going through this trial together. We've had our fair share of dark, rainy moments full of tears and frustration. And we've basked in the sunlight of love from a merciful Father in Heaven when he blessed us with our son. We are who we are today because of our infertility. And for that, we are blessed.

We've also dealt with our fair share of myths and insensitive comments over the years! Some still make me shake my head at the very recollection... But instead of listing them off, I want to participate in what is the "Bust-a-Myth" for Infertility Awareness Week.

I found the following list of myths about infertility on one of my favorite blogs by a fellow adoptive couple named Que and Brittany. You can find their blog HERE. And I liked it so much that I thought I would post it. For those of you who have heard these, and more importantly LIVED through the pain of these, may the head shaking and teeth gnashing begin!

• If you relax, you'll get pregnant. (I was actually told several times to get a puppy and that would relax me. NOT why we got Abbie, K.)

• If you adopt, you'll get pregnant. (Ho ho.... LOVE this one. If I had a penny....)

• Fertility issues only affect women.

• Only good and righteous people are blessed with children. (....... No comment.....that I feel I can post.)

• If you had more faith, you would get pregnant. (See above. Seriously????)

• Infertility is a sign you were never meant to be a parent. (Words that every woman going through infertility hopes never come true.)

• IVF is easy, it's covered by insurance, and it always works. (Blah, blah, blah,..... Infertile couples are completely IGNORED by insurance companies who should be ashamed of themselves. Having a baby and becoming a family isn't "elective procedure." Not in my book.)

• If you and your spouse are infertile, you are obligated to adopt, because in the world there are lots of children who need homes.

• Infertility is always a sign that the couple waited too long to try to conceive. (January, 2001: I threw away my birth control pills, hoping to have a baby that year. I was 23.)

• Adoption permanently cures all of the heartache caused by infertility. (The adoption process sometimes makes the hopeful couple feel more powerless than ever before. And while adoption is so beautiful and makes it possible for so many to become parents, it doesn't always help to make you feel less "broken." But it does build priceless relationships with amazing birth parents and their families. :) )

• Infertility is a blessing because compared to being pregnant and giving birth, adoption is the easy way to get a baby. (......again, it's easy to think that when you've been pregnant and given birth. But to be on the outside looking in, pretty empty feeling.)

• People suffering from infertility will always want to discuss the medical details about their condition with anyone who asks. (Yeah, please don't assume this! I've always been rather forthcoming, but not everyone is. Plus, it's just painful to acknowledge let alone discuss sometimes.)

• IVF and surrogacy should always be considered as options by infertile couples before they consider adoption. (Why??? Children come into our lives right when they are supposed to, and through divine intervention. I say don't ever limit your options, because you may be the answer to someone else's prayers as well. :) )

• If an infertile couple chooses to adopt, it means they "gave up" on having a biological child. (Noah is my flesh and blood, as if from my own body. But I just don't think that I would ever be able to "give up." Moving on is not the same as giving up. Letting go is NOT the same as giving up.)

I'm sure that several of you could add to this list! And maybe you will on your own blogs. Feel free.... In the meantime, thanks for spreading awareness about such a sensitive and important issue that affects all of us in some way.

AND.... Mother's Day is coming up. So I encourage you to look around at the back of the chapel that Sunday and notice who can't help but cry openly on her husband's shoulder, or see if they both are trying to hide their tears. If you do hug her later, don't feel like you need to say anything. Just let her know that you know by your warm embrace. And leave it at that, unless she wants to vent! Been there.... :)

Love much,

Someone who is no longer broken. :)