A Natural Reaction

I reached a breaking point this weekend. The expression is that "it was the straw that broke the camel's back." I don't know at what point I looked at my back and saw mountains of hay, but this weekend it definitely came crashing down. :)

Kevin and I have been dealing with our health insurance company recently... (BIG HUGE shocker...) because they all of a sudden stopped paying claims for Noah in December. I took him in for his H1N1 shot, and then received a bill for the full amount in the mail. Their explanation? Noah's effective date of coverage occurred after this appointment.

HUH? They've been paying claims for him since August of 2008. Since Kev and I decided to change our plan as of January, I figured that it was just a mix-up and I called them about it. I was not prepared for that conversation with really, a genuinely nice lady at BCBS costumer service.

She looked at our account and asked me a question that threw me so hard I had to lean against the counter.

"Is Noah adopted?"

Long pause... "He is. Why?"

"Well, whoever did the paperwork for you initially when your husband was hired didn't put that he is an adopted child. So when you changed plans in January and listed him as an adopted child, this set off a red flag. We're going to need to see your adoption paperwork in order to determine his effective date of coverage."

LONG pause... At this point I was bristling. I was a little angry, but calmly asked "I really don't understand why that is relevant. What does that have to do with anything?"

And then I heard it. A phrase that cuts me to my very core.

"Because, Mrs. Smith. Noah is not your natural child."

I knew exactly why they needed to see the paperwork. Legally they need to make sure that he was placed with us BEFORE they started paying his claims. But after the last year and a half of struggling with the next adoption process and praying and hoping and not knowing about the next baby and EVERYTHING that happened last summer

These words were the last straw. I broke down sobbing on the phone.

Noah is my one sure thing in this whole mess. He's mine by law and by the laws of heaven. And let me say that NOTHING feels more natural than when my little boy throws himself around my neck and tells me he loves me. "Mommy" never sounded so sweet.

So this poor lady that ended up in the wrong conversation with an on-edge woman gently said to me "I understand that you're upset. But the best thing to do at this point is to go ahead and send us the paperwork, Mrs. Smith."

Fine.

You'll get your proof that I didn't carry Noah under my heart for nine months before he came into this world. And I HATE the fact that I have to send this once again for whatever reason.

Later, as I opened the safe and pulled out Noah's adoption file to copy the paperwork, I looked at a piece of paper that said "sealed for time and all eternity, December 26, 2007, Medford Oregon Temple."

The rippling waves of hurt, anger and heartache calmed in my heart.

Let them have their worldly proof.

I have mine every time I look at MY SON.


Love,

A Natural Mother
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