Good Morning!
Still celebrating awesome National Adoption Month. :) Over the last few years I've been following several blogs from different birthmothers. Some of them placed their children years ago, and for some of them the experience took place this summer or a few short weeks ago. It's amazing to read, through their own words, their thoughts and feelings about their decision to place their child. I've never been given such a deep look into someone's heart before, and yet I can connect with what they're saying on a certain level. And since adoption is an "entire family event," I know that our parents, brothers, sisters, and friends can appreciate their stories, too.
We're very blessed to still have Noah's birthmother and her family in our lives. As time has gone by, we've talked together about all the events leading up to her decision to place Noah, how she found us, and all the miracles that happened to bring him to us. And of course every miracle that has happened since! So I kind of feel like I have an idea of what was happening on her side of the experience at different times throughout the journey.
Have you all heard of the show on MTV called "16 and Pregnant?" Wow.... W-O-W. I have to admit that we don't have MTV, so I'd never watched an episode. Until I came across a link on an adoption website that took me to Catelynn's story. It's so AMAZING. She and her boyfriend Tyler had courage beyond their years and I BAWLED the entire 40 minutes.
I guess it's because I've been there. Kevin and I got on a plane and flew to meet a complete stranger, hoping that she would like something about us. Praying that she might be the one to help us become a family. When Catelynn and Tyler choose the couple and then meet them, and then everything at the hospital... I couldn't stop watching the adoptive mother. I've been there in that room, too scared to admit just how nervous I was and how important and beautiful that moment will always be to us. And how I just wanted to say Thank You over and over and OVER because it just sounded so empty and inadequate compared to the beautiful little boy that she'd just placed in MY arms. How do you say thank you for that?
SO.... If you have a little time and would like to watch Catelynn's experience, here it is:
16 and Pregnant: Catelynn (Ep. 6)
And here is a link to a very refreshing Question and Answer with a panel of Birthmothers who placed their children through LDS Family Services.
Birth Parent Panel
They pretty much answer every question that I'm sure you'd be curious about! They're all beautiful, strong women and I have the utmost love and respect for them and their decision.
Tamra Hyde is one of the birthmothers on this panel and we follow her blog. She placed her baby boy for adoption 13 years ago. She wrote the most beautiful entry the other day and I want to end with just one of her thoughts:
"... Studies say one of the 2 questions children of closed adoption ask most often is "what did she look like?" While the biological connection is real and significant, it is not as real and as significant as is the sealing covenant. And as you know biology does not have to exist for genuine family love to. I know his sweet mama's heart grew in her chest the same as mine did when she set eyes on him for the first time. I know that, like me, she must have recognized him. I know that they COULD not have loved him more if he had their genes. I know that I am not Justin's "mother," her name is Debbie. He was hers before he was mine. They have total stewardship and accountability and I trust them COMPLETELY in that role and I would NEVER challenge but would defend it. But I do feel it very appropriate to call myself "birthmom." It takes nothing from who and what they are. It isn't a contest and it doesn't compare. But I gave him the BEST possible health and home for 9 months. I LOVED him with ALL the love of a mother. I gave him breath and a body. I broke my heart for him. I put my world on the altar so that he could have his. In THIS way, I AM a mother. That is what mothers do..."
This is why I love birthparents...
10 comments:
I remember watching Catelynn's story when it was on MTV (Yes we get MTV and sometimes I get bored ok?). I also watched the other episodes of the series and all of the other girls seemed selfish about it. It was never "Adoption would be better for HIM (or her)" it was "I don't think I could handle giving my baby away." Anyway - I bawled during that episode also. The hospital scene was so emotional. I could see both views. I knew the view of the adoptive parents because of you...but I also knew how much of a struggle that would be to give your baby up like that. Whenever I watch things like that (There is also a True Life episode about giving a baby up for adoption) I just hold Maeli so tight and am so grateful that I have a baby to hold and take care of. You are both so blessed and I know your family will be getting bigger because how could they NOT choose you? :) Love you!
Can not stop crying over this blog. So beautiful. Thanks for sharing.
Why did you have me watch that video?! I'm a wreck. I'm crying while typing this. What amazing kids.
Nicole,
I am Jill's cousin's wife (follow that?) and I'm not sure if you remember me or not.
Being part of two birth family adoptions, and having siblings who were adopted, I can say that we
(the birth family) and eternally grateful for adoptive families. Placing a child is a decision that literally breaks the heart, but there is so much peace and comfort from knowing that our child (or niece, nephew, cousin) is with their forever family. A family who loves that child just as we would have, could have, and do. That alone heals the heart like nothing else ever could. And that's what makes the choice worth it. So Thank YOU!
Genevieve
very sweet, Niki. It is an interesting relationship. And just like Christ isn't our literal Father in any sense, he is very much our Father when we make ourselves subject to Him. And when that happens, His love is just as valid and beautiful as the love of our earthly and Heavenly Fathers.
I just did my make-up so I may wait to watch Catelynn's story until tonight....
Also, Brittany, it's okay that you watch MTV. sometimes I watch Tyler Perry's House of Payne out of boredom. Talk about stooping.
I secretly loved the MTV series, and they could not have topped it off any better than with Catelynn and Tyler's story. I cannot believe that without their families support and being the youngest couple featured on the show that they were actually the ones who displayed the most courage and responsibility! I could not imagine having a parking lot hand off! They were amazing!
I cried all over again when they did the reunion show and they had the adoptive parents and baby flown out for Catelynn & Tyler!
I have no words...maybe just tears...can't really see the computer screen too well. I think you have summed it up so perfectly. I love you Nicole!! Thank you for being you...you are an amazing, awesome person...and MOTHER!! I look up to you. I'm glad to call you my sister. :)
I have no words. Only memories of a beautiful miracle that came into our families life because of an unselfish choice. Thank you to birthmoms and to you and Kevin for your unconditional love of a child and a birth family.
I watched the MTV show too, and did cry watching the adoption episode. How can you not? It tugs at the heartstrings!
I have a little clip of Noah laughing on my digital camera from when we played ball in the house before Heather and Jason's reception. It reminds me of the great time I had with you all. :)
Just found this blog Nik. I'm in love it with it. I'm can't talk about this post and still hold myself together- so I won't. Love you lady.
Kim Eagar Haddock
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